Sittingwithsorrow.typepad.com
United States
| No | Keyword | Website Count |
| 1 | Aging parents | 2 |
| 2 | Family | 36 |
| 3 | Caregivers | 3 |
| 4 | Medications | 2 |
| 5 | Health | 131 |
| Type | Status |
| HTML 5 |  |
| Responsive Website | |
| No | Text |
| 1 | The caregiver chronicles |
| No | Text |
| 1 | Essential information about how you can support your aging parents and maintain your own life. |
| 2 | 08/01/2013 |
| 3 | 07/22/2013 |
| 4 | 07/07/2013 |
| 5 | 07/04/2013 |
| 6 | 06/23/2013 |
| 7 | 06/14/2013 |
| 8 | 06/09/2013 |
| 9 | 05/25/2013 |
| 10 | 01/18/2013 |
| 11 | 09/02/2012 |
| 12 | Archives |
| 13 | Pages |
| 14 | Categories |
| 15 | Blogroll |
| 16 | Good stuff to read |
| 17 | Music |
| 18 | Movies |
| 19 | Recent comments |
| 20 | Search |
| No | Text |
| 1 | Taking a break - regrouping for whatever comes next |
| 2 | Weeding therapy: dealing with caregiver stress |
| 3 | The beauty and joy of old friends |
| 4 | Daisies, dentures & a walk: a visit with my father |
| 5 | Seniors in the emergency room - no place to be alone |
| 6 | Adult bibs and sippy cups - parenting our parents |
| 7 | Miscommunication: or how to avoid a tempest in a teapot |
| 8 | Dementia: a journey |
| 9 | Tending my own nest |
| 10 | The art of losing: poems of grief and healing - a book review |
| No | Text |
| 1 | Sometimes you need to press pause to let everything sink in. |
| 2 | Sebastian Vettel |
| 3 | June 23, 2013 |
| 4 | Prayer |
| 5 | There is peace in a garden. Peace and results. |
| 6 | Ruth Stout |
| 7 | What do you do when you're stressed out either from caregiving or dealing with siblings about caregiving? |
| 8 | Hold a true friend with both hands. |
| 9 | African proverb |
| 10 | Each day provides its own gifts. |
| 11 | Marcus Aurelius |
| 12 | Eighty percent of success is showing up. |
| 13 | Woody Allen |
| 14 | The afternoon knows what the morning never suspected. |
| 15 | Robert Frost |
| 16 | "oh antic God" by Lucille Clifton |
| 17 | The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place. |
| 18 | George Bernard Shaw |
| 19 | I bet this has happened to you. You phone your aging parent(s) and they tell you something that concerns you, in fact it upsets you. Maybe, they say, your sister/brother who is visiting or lives closer than you do has done something that pushes your buttons, something inappropriate and annoying, or at least that's what your parents say. Or, as with my parents, it might be the live-in caregiver who has said/done the upsetting thing. You hang up the phone and you're angry, annoyed, frustrated - choose one - and too far away to go and see what's happening. So, being the dutiful son/daughter that you are, you phone up the offending sibling/caregiver and ask - maybe not too kindly - "what's going on!" The next thing you know, World War III has broken out. Miscommunications are flying left and right and more than one person is caught in the crossfire. |
| 20 | I am intimately familiar with this scenario - having been both the one creating the "tempest in the teapot" and the one caught in the cross-fire of miscommunication. Last summer, for example, there was a misunderstanding that escalated into my father struggling to wrestle the phone out of my hands and yelling at me and, then, my siblings phoning asking me, "what's going on?" in a less than kind tone. What had happened was that the visiting nurse had stopped by and heard some wheezing in my mom's chest. I panicked. I admit it. And I decided that it would be good if Mom had a blood test to make sure her white blood cell count wasn't elevated. I panicked because two years ago my mom had a very bad case of pneumonia that was only detected through her WBC count. Meanwhile, my father thought I was phoning 911 for an ambulance to take my mom to the local ER. Either he hadn't heard what I was saying properly - he's a bit hard of hearing - or he just got confused. So, right away he was on the phone to my other sister and brother telling them what he THOUGHT was happening. They took it as Gospel truth, even though they know my father has cognitive decline and hearing issues. To be blunt, they didn't cut me any slack and leapt into the fray without asking me what had really happened. Confusion and anger reigned. |
| 21 | Several days ago, I was the one who almost created a tempest. I phoned my mother and she told me - to my great surprise - that her caregiver had said that if I visited she (the caregiver) was going to quit. "You can't come," my mom told me. "Not even for two weeks or else, Mary (let's call her) is going to quit." Needless to say, I was surprised and outraged. I didn't stop to think that maybe my mom had misunderstood something Mary had told her - this despite the fact that I know that my mother's on lots of pain meds and and has her own cognitive issues. I tried to phone Mary on her cell and she didn't answer. This added fuel to the fire. Next thing you know, I'd shot off an upset email to my sister who holds the Power of Attorney for my mother. Then, thankfully, I was able to get through to Mary who clarified what was going on. My mom had overheard her talking on her cell to a friend about maybe taking a few days off while I was visiting. My mom turned this into: "Mary will leave if you visit." I quickly emailed my sister: emergency over and sat back feeling a bit embarra***ed, to say the least. |
| 22 | So, the next time your parents tell you something alarming - unless the something alarming sounds immediately life-threatening - stop. That's right, stop right where you are and do nothing. Take some deep breaths and calm down. Ideally, you should wait an hour or even longer before picking the phone back up to clarify what you think is happening. Above all: CUT YOUR SIBLING(S) OR THE CAREGIVER SOME SLACK. Whether you're turning molehills into mountains or creating tempests in teapots, neither is going to help anyone, including you. |
| 23 | Here are some great links on communication. Notice that many emphasize in person communication, so communication via phone or email has to be even more careful. |
| 24 | How to communicate with someone with dementia |
| 25 | Every day is a journey and the journey itself is home. |
| 26 | Matsuo Basho |
| 27 | The first day after a death, the new absence |
| 28 | Is always the same; we should be careful |
| 29 | Of each other, we should be kind |
| 30 | While there is still time. |
| 31 | Philip Larkin |
| 32 | Mourners |
| 33 | "oh antic God" |
| No | Text |
| 1 | Sometimes you need to press pause to let everything sink in. |
| 2 | Sebastian Vettel |
| 3 | June 23, 2013 |
| 4 | Mom was in a good mood at dinner. She said she liked eating - unusual for her - and ate her mango sorbet with enthusiasm. Right now, about 9:15, she seems to be sleeping. I hate to peek in to see if she is, in case I wake her. Dad's still in the hospital with a nasty cough and will hopefully be going to the Rehab Center soon. The evening was a peaceful one. I watered the flowers and Dad's tomatoes and cuc***bers that he's planted in an old children's pool left over from the days when the grandchildren were small. The birdseed that he planted around the oak in the front yard during one of his "confused" periods are flouris***ng amidst the usual begonias and impatiens that he must have planted on a less confused day I took out the trash and the recycling and even washed a load of clothes. These small gifts - the smell of water on dry ground, birdsong, Mom smiling, and the quiet bustle of Mom's caregiver - are what I'll remember of this day. |
| 5 | Prayer |
| 6 | what is |
| 7 | There is peace in a garden. Peace and results. |
| 8 | Ruth Stout |
| 9 | after weeding (elaine faith, flickr creative commons) |
| 10 | Hold a true friend with both hands. |
| 11 | African proverb |
| 12 | friends***p, flickr creative commons |
| 13 | Each day provides its own gifts. |
| 14 | Marcus Aurelius |
| 15 | Fourth of July, fireworks (Wikimedia Commons) |
| 16 | Eighty percent of success is showing up. |
| 17 | Woody Allen |
| 18 | Emergency Room |
| 19 | The afternoon knows what the morning never suspected. |
| 20 | Robert Frost |
| 21 | was |
| 22 | "oh antic God" by Lucille Clifton |
| 23 | The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place. |
| 24 | George Bernard Shaw |
| 25 | Frustration (Wikimedia Commons) |
| 26 | I am intimately familiar with this scenario - having been both the one creating the "tempest in the teapot" and the one caught in the cross-fire of miscommunication. Last summer, for example, there was a misunderstanding that escalated into my father struggling to wrestle the phone out of my hands and yelling at me and, then, my siblings phoning asking me, "what's going on?" in a less than kind tone. What had happened was that the visiting nurse had stopped by and heard some wheezing in my mom's chest. I panicked. I admit it. And I decided that it would be good if Mom had a blood test to make sure her white blood cell count wasn't elevated. I panicked because two years ago my mom had a very bad case of pneumonia that was only detected through her WBC count. Meanwhile, my father thought I was phoning 911 for an ambulance to take my mom to the local ER. Either he hadn't heard what I was saying properly - he's a bit hard of hearing - or he just got confused. So, right away he was on the phone to my other sister and brother telling them what he THOUGHT was happening. They took it as Gospel truth, even though they know my father has cognitive decline and hearing issues. To be blunt, they didn't cut me any slack and leapt into the fray without asking me what had really happened. Confusion and anger reigned. |
| 27 | Several days ago, I was the one who almost created a tempest. I phoned my mother and she told me - to my great surprise - that her caregiver had said that if I visited she (the caregiver) was going to quit. "You can't come," my mom told me. "Not even for two weeks or else, Mary (let's call her) is going to quit." Needless to say, I was surprised and outraged. I didn't stop to think that maybe my mom had misunderstood something Mary had told her - this despite the fact that I know that my mother's on lots of pain meds and and has her own cognitive issues. I tried to phone Mary on her cell and she didn't answer. This added fuel to the fire. Next thing you know, I'd shot off an upset email to my sister who holds the Power of Attorney for my mother. Then, thankfully, I was able to get through to Mary who clarified what was going on. My mom had overheard her talking on her cell to a friend about maybe taking a few days off while I was visiting. My mom turned this into: "Mary will leave if you visit." I quickly emailed my sister: emergency over and sat back feeling a bit embarra***ed, to say the least. |
| 28 | So, the next time your parents tell you something alarming - unless the something alarming sounds immediately life-threatening - stop. That's right, stop right where you are and do nothing. Take some deep breaths and calm down. Ideally, you should wait an hour or even longer before picking the phone back up to clarify what you think is happening. Above all: CUT YOUR SIBLING(S) OR THE CAREGIVER SOME SLACK. Whether you're turning molehills into mountains or creating tempests in teapots, neither is going to help anyone, including you. |
| 29 | Here are some great links on communication. Notice that many emphasize in person communication, so communication via phone or email has to be even more careful. |
| 30 | How to communicate with someone with dementia |
| 31 | Every day is a journey and the journey itself is home. |
| 32 | Matsuo Basho |
| 33 | The first day after a death, the new absence |
| 34 | Is always the same; we should be careful |
| 35 | Of each other, we should be kind |
| 36 | While there is still time. |
| 37 | Philip Larkin |
| 38 | After the funeral (Carol Browne, flickr creative commons) |
| 39 | Mourners |
| 40 | Ted Kooser |
| 41 | "oh antic God" |
| 42 | Lucille Clifton |
| 43 | The Art of Losing |
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